Being a parent while completing an MBA is a lot of work. It means long days and sleepless nights. It requires curiosity, perseverance, and patience. It is the most challenging and complex undertaking one can attempt. It is incredibly rewarding. In fact, being a parent makes completing an MBA seem rather straightforward by comparison.
When I started the MBA at Desautels in August 2016, my one-year old son had just started daycare. I had been a stay-at-home father and community volunteer for a little over two years, following the birth of my daughter. For me, the MBA represented a return to professional life rather than the career hiatus it is for many students. It also meant a return to graduate studies, this time with a full-time family in addition to full-time studies. So, why the family recap? Why write this post?
I hope to give some insight into a reality that often goes unmentioned in recruitment flyers, promotional videos, campus tours, and MBA rankings. My perspective is my own but there are a number of other fathers and mothers who also recently completed the Desautels MBA. I do not claim to speak for them. My family’s journey is not the only, or even the right, way. I simply hope my account is helpful for parents who are potential students, or students who are potential parents, currently charting their own paths.
I present my experience in three facets: academic, professional, and personal. It is important to remember that all three evolved simultaneously and were never so clearly divided. Life tends to be very messy until we write it down.
Academic
The basic proposition of any MBA is its academic offering. While I captured most of the value inherent to Desautels, it was not always straightforward.
I typically avoided early morning and late evening electives so that I could drop off the kids at daycare and be home for bedtime. Spending a semester studying abroad was not an option. Even when well scheduled, things did not always go accordingly to plan. I walked out of one class right before an end-of-term presentation to take my daughter to the emergency room with a dislocated elbow. Fortunately, the instructor was understanding and my team covered my portion.
The counterpart to classroom learning is out-of-class study. Nearly every night after the kids fell asleep I spent several hours reading required material or completing assignments. The reading can be done individually but most assignments in an MBA require collaboration. It was critical to clarify expectations and schedule restrictions with teammates at the start of each project. I tried to complete my portion of each project well before the course deadline. I wanted to keep last-minute disruptions — like that dislocated elbow or one of the many and frequent toddler colds — from impacting my teammates’ work or the final delivery. I also used tools like Skype for Business to virtually join late night meetings from my home office.
Happily, it all worked out. I graduated in May as a co-recipient of the Dean’s Medal for Great Distinction in the MBA Program, awarded each year to the leading student(s) according to cumulative GPA. Of course, I did not get there on my own. My family, fellow students, the faculty, and staff all helped to make that achievement possible.
Jared and his team at the 2018 Bocconi Finance Case Competition (McGill received 2nd prize).
Professional
One requirement of the Desautels MBA is experiential learning, which can take the form of an internship, study abroad, or an applied research practicum. I chose to seek a summer internship but restricted my search to Montreal to stay close to the family. It was a bit frustrating to watch many of my colleagues apply to great opportunities without that restriction, landing offers across Canada and in the USA. The benefit, though, is that it removed one variable of the search and focused my energy into local networking. That intense effort opened the door for both my internship at Bombardier and my eventual post-graduation role as an Associate at Oliver Wyman.
It is commonly understood that the consulting industry entails a demanding work schedule. I decided I needed to be bold and honest to determine whether or not consulting was right for me and, if so, with which firm. During recruitment my role as a father meant having weighty conversations early and often. En lieu of more typical introductory questions, and against some well-intentioned advice, I integrated my role as a father into the full portrait of myself as a candidate. I then probed anyone who would listen about working at the firm as a parent. Those questions were typically best answered by more senior personnel such as principals and partners rather than the consultants and associates that are usually first-round interviewers.
Being so straightforward was not always pleasant. At one firm I was twice asked, in back-to-back second-round interviews, “Why would you want this job if you have kids?” I did not receive an offer from that firm, but I also would not have accepted a position if one had been offered. I would much rather discover such a conflict of values during an interview than after accepting a position. That firm was not necessarily wrong in its attitude; it was simply not the right place for me to work at this time. By contrast, it was energizing and encouraging to find firms with a clear value alignment on the subject.
Such alignment can sometimes be found before the formal interviews even begin, over coffee or lunch. I am grateful to the various engagement managers, principals, and partners that were passionate and honest about both their firms and their families. Those conversations helped to further focus my targeting process, interview preparation, and decision making. As I prepare to begin work at Oliver Wyman in the fall, I am confident that my rigorous and thoroughly transparent process has created the best outcome for me as an MBA candidate, future consultant, husband, and father.
Personal
My children are too young to fully understand what I have been doing for two years. They do know that I went to school just like their mother went to work on each “daycare day.” They were amused that I, too, had a backpack filled with paper and pencils. They loved to hijack my iPad whenever I tried to do any reading while they were nearby. That was probably for the best. It takes discipline to set aside the coursework, especially when a deadline looms, but it is important to preserve uninterrupted family time. I doubt they will remember much, if anything, about my MBA when they are older. They will, I hope, remember the morning walks to daycare, the afternoons at the park, and the wide-open weekends full of adventure.
As a father, I also hope I have demonstrated to them several values that become ingrained in their own lives, such as a passion for learning, striving for excellence, and perseverance. For me, the schedule was often rough. As an example, I spent most of one night awake in a chair, rocking a feverish toddler to let my wife sleep because she needed to perform surgery early the next morning. I then got the other child to daycare, took the sick one to a walk-in clinic, rescheduled some morning meetings, went to the pharmacy, and called our part-time nanny, hoping she could come early that day. Once I finally made it to an afternoon class it was a struggle to maintain focus and think clearly. I could feel my brain turning at half speed and hear the words stumble from my lips. A string of days like that in close succession is not so great for one’s health, both physical and mental. Meditation and naps helped, along with coffee. Though I have a lot more gray hairs now than at the start.
An MBA is accomplished largely in teams. That is as true at home as it is on campus. My wife has been incredibly supportive from the moment I began studying for the GMAT. She is my biggest cheerleader and my largest source of strength. She listened patiently each time I excitedly explained a new concept I had just learned. She quietly tucked the kids into bed by herself whenever I needed extra time to prepare for an exam or an interview. She always made sure I kept things balanced, providing much needed perspective when stress levels began to rise. Despite the demands of her own profession, she has been our family’s anchor. This MBA adventure would not have been the same without my family. Their presence made it at times more complex, yes, but also richer and more rewarding.
Ď㽶ĘÓƵ printed the diploma with just my name. Maybe we can add three more… in crayon.
About the author
did his undergrad at University of Florida where he majored in Aerospace Engineering. He did a Master's Degree in Mechanical Engineering at Stanford University where he graduated in 2011. Jared helped build a non-profit organization called PeaceGeeks to deploy technology for peace and was a Director of the Ville-Marie EDA for the Liberal Party of Canada for three years before joining the McGill MBA program in 2016 while fulfilling his duties as a stay-at-home dad. During the MBA, he did an internship at Bombardier and served as a Vice President of the McGill Management Consulting Club and as a teaching assistant for the introductory MBA strategy course. He was awarded the Dean’s Medal for Great Distinction in the MBA Program, for the highest GPA of the graduating class. He joined Oliver Wyman as an Associate following graduation.
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