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Healing takes time, and each individual recovers differently鈥攁t their own pace and in their own way. Healing is a non-linear journey. Some days you may feel overwhelmed and some days you may feel ok. Everyone's process is unique and valid. In Audre Lorde鈥檚 words, "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare."
Understanding your experience
All feelings and reactions to sexual or gender-based violence are valid. Know that you are not alone. There are people at McGill and in the Montr茅al community who are available to support you. It is okay to ask for help.
When sexual violence occurs, it may be difficult to understand why it happened. Asking yourself 鈥淲hat did I do to deserve this?鈥� or 鈥淲hat could I have done to prevent it?鈥� is a natural reaction, but anyone can be sexually assaulted or harassed and no one invites or deserves assault or harassment. It is not your fault.
If you are unsure whether what you have experienced is sexual violence, you can read more on our About Sexual Violence page. If you want to talk through your experience, your feelings, and/or your reactions, we are here for you.
Each person experiences sexual assault or harassment differently and in their own unique way. There is no right or wrong way to feel or cope. After an incident of sexual harassment or assault, you may experience:
- Changes in how you feel about yourself (lower self-esteem, shame, humiliation, and guilt)
- Changes in how you feel about your body (embarrassed, feeling unclean, detached from your body, wanting to harm yourself)
- Changes in your perception of safety (feeling powerless, having difficulty trusting others, fearing being alone or with others)
- Changes in physical functioning (headaches, eating and sleeping problems, stress, anxiety)
- Changes in emotional functioning (feelings of depression, grief, loss, disconnection, mood swings and anger, being emotionally withdrawn, lack of motivation, trouble concentrating)
- Changes in sexual intimacy and behaviours (an increase in risky sexual behaviours or reduced intimacy)
You may also experience no reaction at all.
Self care
Self-care can take many forms and focus on physical, emotional and/or spiritual well-being. Whether it鈥檚 activities you do solo, or reaching out to friends, family and/or community, self-care can help you cope with the short-and long-term effects of trauma. It is the process of "taking steps to feel healthy and comfortable.鈥� (). Taking care of yourself will require different things at different stages in your life.
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For step by step suggestions for self-care:听, an interactive flowchart developed by Jace Harr.
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For questions to get you started on identifying self-care strategies specific to you:听听at Rainn.org.鈥�
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For听colouring and journaling activities:听听and听听from听Ryerson University and from WAVAW Rape Crisis Centre.听
Grounding
Grounding techniques can be useful self-care skills. They are exercises used when we feel distressed, to handle feelings of detachment or feeling 鈥榰nreal鈥�, and to reduce symptoms of anxiety and panic. Learn what works best for you and practice until they become automatic so that they can be used in moments of distress.
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听grounding techniques
Healing
Below are some resources that may help you explore the healing process. If you would like to share a resource you found helpful, please听osvrse [at] mcgill.ca (contact us)! We also have a variety of books available for reference at our office.
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听- Sian Ferguson
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听-ThoughtCatalog.com
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听- Anna Cote
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听- Sheeva Weil
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听-Glenn Schiraldi
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听- Ijeoma Oluo
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Transformative justice
Transformative justice initiatives work to build safety, healing and agency for survivors and accountability and transformation for those who do harm. Through community dialogue and action, transformative justice also addresses and seeks to change the social conditions that perpetuate violence. You can check out about the process of transformative justice, or the , a collective led by self-identified women of Black-African origins who use a transformative justice lens in their work to end intergenerational violence.
鈥�Taking care of yourself is also about knowing when external support is needed. If you are ready to reach out for support, contact the OSVRSE or consult our list of campus and community resources.
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